A strange moment found me this week, stirring a memory I never wanted to face again — a memory tied to a darkness I carried for many years as a child. The anger rose quickly, heavy and consuming. But amid this, He spoke to me. He reminded me not to let my heart harden again. He reminded me to forgive, that vengeance belongs to Him alone. He called me to stillness; to remember He is God.

What I’m sharing next is deeply personal. Many have walked through similar shadows, and I know how hard forgiveness can be. Yet my hope is that no matter how painful the circumstance, you too can find the strength to forgive and to trust God with the rest.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT

Shadows of My Past

I did not want to return here.

A dreadful time of pain and fear.

I was so young.

Not understanding what was happening.

Just wanted to play with my toys.

Just wanted to watch cartoons.

Little did I know I would grow up too soon.

His force, his touch, his embrace.

Disgusted by the way he taste.

He hurt me again and again.

My innocence taken.

Oh, how I wish you would have saved me,

But instead, you watched.

Left me in shock.

So frightened to go to sleep.

So frightened to be alone with him.

Frightened to even speak.

Such evil, so prevalent.

With all their might, not even God’s warring angels could stop this.

The falling ones joined him in the torment and abuse.

Year after year, I was used.

In his absence, they took his place.

Many nights, I was raped.

But now, He has intervened and destroyed them completely.

By the power of the living God,

I have broken the ties.

I can now look you both in the eyes,

And say,

I forgive you.

Desiree Castillo

September 1, 2023