It is still hard for me to accept you’re gone. I haven’t gotten over this. To be honest, I’m not sure I ever will. It’s funny how they say your life flashes before your eyes when you die but I think that is for the one that lost their loved one. When you died, memories of you flooded my mind and continues to do so. I wish we had more time. I miss you so much.

Father

Screams

Screaming in my sleep

Screaming in my dreams

Countless days I wake up screaming

Visions of you

Memories of the past

Why couldn’t the time last?

Walking down the hallway

The scent of death everywhere

Walking past body after body

Darkness and defeat surrounding me

I see you lying there

I feel so helpless

I wish I could’ve done something

I couldn’t touch you

I couldn’t hug you

Couldn’t be by your side

A glass separated us, forbidding me to say goodbye

How can they ask, if his heart stops, do we resuscitate?

Was my response truly a lack of faith?

Begged and pleaded with God for your life!

Day after day I mourned and prayed for more time.

Yet He told me, He belongs to me! He is mine!

I didn’t want to accept this.

Regardless of knowing you were His.

Yet, I knew you were already gone way before that plug was pulled.

Believing made me feel like such a fool!

You appeared to me in my dreams, ignoring my indescribable pain

Your only purpose in appearing was to repeatedly say His name

Yes, I know where you are. I know who you’re with!

I miss you, though, despite all this!

Your voice, your support, your love

Yet I know you have a new eternal assignment from above.

Losing you was an unexpected severe blow

But I know, I must let go

What I have learned from you is humbleness and perseverance in the faith

Now I take the baton you left behind and continue this race

I will get as many souls as I can to Christ

Thank you for setting that example in your life

I love you, Father

I will see you again

2021